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3rd-Apr-2020 11:32 am - Friends only
your argument is invalid, Stephen Fry has a ROUS on his head

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Alright, so I closed down my journal to general viewing a while ago, but was far too big of a lazy ass to put up this post.

I love new friends, though I can get a bit overwhelmed because I like to comment an annoyingly frequent amount :P  So, leave a comment here if you'd like to friend me and tell me a bit about yourself.  Unless you say something prejudiced about any people, I'll add you back.  Comments are screened :)

Here's some junk about meCollapse )

Pleased to meet you, feel free to ask any questions you want to know about me!

BrettHolmes: Reading
You guys, I must make a confession.  It's hard to confess such a thing and I'm sure some of you will find yourselves disappointed in me.  But, I feel I cannot lie any longer.  Here goes:  I am in love.

I just finished reading Johannes Cabal the Detective, sequel to Johannes Cabal the Necromancer and book that finds itself prior, at least in release date to Johannes Cabal the Fear Institute, which will be coming out in September *stars in eyes*

Anyhoo, the Detective.  This book was decidedly funny shit.  And so nerdy it hurts.  But, the funny.  Anywhere you turn, reviewers compare the style to Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, but I think, especially by this second book, Mr Howard (that's the author, keep up), has a decidedly unique voice and he uses it gloriously.

I tore through the first book while I was meant to be studying and was blown away by it.  It was hilarious, incorporated steampunk in a fun way that avoided eyerolling on my part and actually made the story more intriguiging.  It had a roadtrip (after a fashion), an excellent Satan, and sarcasm dripped from the pages.  The characters had zero development and the plot was rather ripped from Faust and other influences, and it was definitely a 5 star book for me.

So, naturally, I went out and spent all that money I have readily available (:/) on the next book.  And started it with far more a wimper than a bang.  It seemed clear that either he had taken a writing class or editorial influence had taken over and his writing had been corrected to being technically excellent but rather soulless (ohoho, read the books, get the joke).  Thankfully, it quickly caught it's stride again and took off running, being hilarious, razor-sharp in the wit department, and making such wild use of understatement that I was brought to tears of mirth more than once.  The second book is superior to the superb first book, though there's a distinct lack of one of the characters I had rather hoped was slightly less abandonable.  This one has the fantastic bonus of having a decidedly Sherlockian (well, Agathian - I like that word I just made up) tilt as well as pompous politics.  Extra bonus, is that there's a faintly associated short story tacked to the end that is almost better than the book.  I enjoyed every friggin minute, people, and I cannot wait for the next one.

Johannes Cabal is purportedly a sociopath and has a career that rather a number of people aren't terribly fond of.  He carries a needlessly large gun because of a certain mathmatical weakness and is confused by women flirting with him.  He's self-centred to the max but rather abhors many of the rather shitty things in the world (ooh, sidenote, there's this dude camped out on campus doing a hunger strike against prejudice in general and pretty much every other thing that ails our species.  He's gonna be there for a while).

The author also seems awesome.  He's obviously a nerd, calls his fans the Cabal Cabal (so punny), and writes stuff that makes me laugh, which puts him in a pantheon of rather fantastic writers.  (He freakin tweeted that he artfully rearranged his books in a store and said it'd be his bad if the positioning ruined Neil Gaiman's career!)

And the Cabal Cabal even has  an lj group!!! YAY :D I'm very much off to go join that apparently tiny fanbase. Assuming they let new people in :P

I leave you with a quote from Johannes Cabal the Detective to convince you to read it:

[Cabal has decided he's being "picked up," which seems like it's something he read about once.  He decides flirting would be valuable to his plans]:
     "[some crap about fortune telling I'm too lazy to type...]  'A practioner of this piece of flummery would spin around on the spot until he got dizzy and fell over.  The manner of the falling-over told the future of whoever has hired the gyromancer.  I should think,' he added with an artful chuckle, 'that the true reading would invariably be "You will soon be gulled by a confidence trickster." '
     "There was silence for a few moments, and Cabal wondered if this would be a good time to turn and look as handsome as possible."

Hush, I liked the artful chuckle.  A lot.  Fine, another:

     "Cabal scowled.  'What's this?  Psychoanalysis by coercion?  "Tell me about your childhood, or else?"  I didn't realise psychiatry has become so two-fisted.'  He smiled at her for appearance's sake, but his eyes were sharp and dangerous.  'Don't think you can quantify me and put me in a thesis.  A census taker once tried to test me.  I let my front garden eat him.'
     " 'Your front garden?'
     "He wrinkled his nose.  'You didn't expect me to do it, did you?' "

Lolololol, get the reference?  Get it get it get it?

GO READ THESE BOOKS.  NOW.  OR I MAY HAVE TO SIC THE "SPIES AND BANDITS AND ALL THAT" ON YOU.
Heroes
This thing's nearly done, so I'm just gonna knock this round down: you guys beat Sherlock Holmes out of the ring.  W-hell.  Fine then.  If you must.  Actually, besides doing this whole damn thing so that Atticus Finch could win, I would have seen Mr Holmes in the top spot.  The guy is an irredeemable asshole who cares for no one, and I love him for it.  Actually, what makes him a hero is his dedication to a case, to the extent that he risks physical harm, degrading his health (not eating, thinking a problem is worthy of three pipes), and of extracting himself from life for three years.

In a related note, I finally read the entirety of A Study in Emerald and I adored it.  Combining HP Lovecraft and Sherlock Holmes is possibly the stupidest idea in the universe (lol, bad crossover fic, etc), but that world of insanity to which Cthulhu and his ilk belong was made to be the truth of the logical world of Sherlock Holmes, so it worked (if loosely...).  At any rate, give me an ending I like and I will adore your story forever.  So, I can forgive the horrorface I had originally had at the premise (and at the first bit I had originally read).  But, seriously, the story gets both worlds and Gaiman writes them well, so it's worth the half-hour it takes to read.

Was I doing something?  Oh, yes, our top two.  It's come down to The Doctor and the Snape.  The man of belonging in a universe he's alone in and the man who's alone in the two worlds he's a part of.  Anyhoo, on to the convincing arguements on why you should vote for one and not the other...

Why should I vote for you?Collapse )

At any rate, in vote-off show fashion, I'm now going to COMPLETELY REVERSE how this poll works and demand that you vote for the winner, not for the loser.  If you do not vote for the person who you wish to win, then the other person will.  So vote carefully.

Poll #1743115 The holy crap pick a winner round of the Heroes Poll!
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 10

Who is your FAVOURITE hero? Remember, pick the one you like

View Answers
I think the Doctor should win
8 (80.0%)
Nope, Severus Snape should definitely take home the prize
2 (20.0%)


Today's hero is...



Dr Stephen T Colbert, DFA.  This man is the one reason I am willing to stay up until 1 in the morning, ever.  I'm kinda really in love with the dude.  He's a total sweetheart, and his character is spot-on in terms of ridiculous punditry.  Plus, he filmed two episodes in Vancouver, so he's always got a spot in my heart.  I really hope the world doesn't end on Saturday - which Colbert has informed me is inevitable - as I'm not quite done watching his show :P
Canucks
I know it's only been about 24 hours since I posted the last round, but lots of you voted and were all but unanimous, so I figured it wasn't going to change much if I left it.  The results: I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.  With a big damn majority, Atticus Finch has been eliminated.  Looking back over the list, he's actually the only proper hero in the whole thing!  When I was making the list yesterday, literally the only bad thing I could think of for him was that he let his daughter dress up as a ham for Halloween.  Which is more adorably ridiculous than bad.  The dude who bums around exterminating ENTIRE SPECIES (PLURAL) is still here for crap sakes!  But, on with the show.




It's a Battle of the Brits for first place!  The Detective, the Doctor, and the Professor all think they deserve not to have you kick him to curb (or kerb, if you will).  At any rate, I'm mostly talking out of my ass.  These are all characters you know, unless you live under a pile of rocks, so make your choice below, because we're down to the serious shit, peeps.

Poll #1742788 Heroes Poll: Round 16
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 10

Vote out the least heroic of these heroes

View Answers
Sherlock Holmes
6 (60.0%)
The Doctor
0 (0.0%)
Severus Snape
4 (40.0%)

And today's honourable is gonna be: Kate Beckett.



I want to be this lady when I grow up.  Admittedly, she doesn't always do what she's meant to, cop-wise, but she does what she does because she cares so so much about doing the right thing in her job.  She cares deeply, always, and is sassy as fuck as she does it.  Very cool woman and I hope I can have as much heart as she does in my future career (speaking of, I don't think my injection technique would kill anyone!  Huzzah :D).
Heroes
You guys voted out Carl D:  Look at that adorable old bastard!  He's absolutely heartbroken you'd do that to such a wonderful, grandfatherly man.

At any rate, I have the guesstimates for the winner from those of you who submitted them.  I won't look at them at all until the ending, so that I'm wholly unbiased for when I need to tie-break.  Good luck if you wagered a guess, I'll see what I can do in terms of a prize :P

This means we're down to a final four!!  And, much like a certain Marvel comic that decided the configuration requisite to their title wasn't selling issues, we've gotta knock that number down to three.  The potential murder victims are: a bee-keeper with a weird thing for tobacco ash, a man with a ham-shaped daughter who can't save all the mockingbirds, a madman with a box and a penchant for rendering species extinct, and a saviour-saviour who is a right bastard about it and wallows in prejudice.





Poll #1742480 Round 15
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 12

Who don't you like here? It better not be someone I like

View Answers
Sherlock Holmes
3 (27.3%)
Atticus Finch
7 (63.6%)
The Doctor
0 (0.0%)
Severus Snape
1 (9.1%)


And, today's honourable is...



Gene Hunt.

Oh, just his name doesn't explain it to you?  Huh...  Okay, this poor old bastard has put up with all levels of shit as he works towards Doing The Right Thing (so you really hope as you watch his shows, because you've never been more attracted to a person you don't find attractive in your life), but he still manages to do it with style.  Just note the Quattro!  Anyhoo, I won't really tell you anything, except that he is a DCI in 1973 (Life on Mars) and 1982 (Ashes to Ashes) to two of the most by-the-book cops to ever grace tv.  Luckily, he's the least by-the-book, so things even out.  But, throughout these two series, something is occurring that you're never really sure about, until you get the greatest reveal in television history and the single greatest series finale that will ever exist.  So, watch those shows.  Just know that his name is rhyming slang.  Go to work, imaginations.
Heroes
You guys suck.  It's my grandpa's birthday, so I made Carl safe.  Thus, you knocked out Crowley and Aziraphale, two of the greatest chracters to ever walk the pages of any book.  They were amazing and now they're gone.  So, VOTE OUT SNAPE!  Why is he still here?!  Who are you people?!  Gah!

On a much better note, HOW INCREDAMAZEBALLS WAS DOCTOR WHO?  Fantastic, right?  Right?  No more, Eleven naysayers, no more.  Plus, it was followed by The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in my country, so the night was pretty much complete.  I got to introduce someone to how wonderful Douglas Adams was.

At any rate, now is the next round, the next round is now.

Holy shit, are we down to our Top Five?  Oh.  Okay.  Here's how this round will work: vote, but also tell me the ranking for the top 5 at the end of the day in the box I'll put below that.  Go from first to be voted out to the winner (as such: Captain Loser, Mr Middling, Lady Supremely Awesome).  I'll have a lame-ass (or potentially cool) prize for whoever comes the closest.



The Finals:
-Sherlock Holmes:  A consulting detective who can tell you all about yourself from little more than the state of your shirt sleeves, who would probably have been able to tell you who exactly Saucy Jack was, were he given the case, and he would have done it all while being fantastic at playing the violin.
-Atticus Finch:  A man who took on a case he'd already lost, just because it was the right thing to do and, in his occassionally stunted fashion, taught his children how to be good people.
-The Doctor:  A lonely madman with a box, this guy has travelled the universe saving your ass and those of a ton of other people.  Last of his species, he is pretty damn tragic (sometimes moreso than others), but he can always spare a cheeky grin.
-Carl Fredricksen:  My grandpa.  I mean, a defeated old man who has lost everything and failed and giving the woman he loved her dream.  He overcomes his tragicness to save a child from a sucky youth - and, you know, death - and realizes just how great of a life he's had (and continues to).
-Severus Snape:  Dude causes the death of the woman he loves and raises the child of that woman, knowing absolutely all the tragedies that kid will have to suffer.  He allows himself to be played by the grandmaster of the Light and keeps the Dark (fairly) convinced he's with them.  His life sucks and he sacrifices it to save the day.

Poll #1741540 Heroes Poll: Round 14
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 8

Vote for your LEAST favourite hero

View Answers
Sherlock Holmes
3 (37.5%)
Atticus Finch
2 (25.0%)
The Doctor
0 (0.0%)
Carl Fredricksen
3 (37.5%)
Severus Snape
0 (0.0%)

Who's going to win? Rank the characters from fifth to first place, separated by commas


And for a mention, have Batman vs Jesus.
Heroes
I was too lazy to pick one over the other, so I'm knocking out both Rincewind and Charlotte.  You suck, I really like Rincewind.  And, because it's my day, I reserve the right to randomly throw him back into the ring whenever I feel like.  Ha.

Here's who we gots left:



Poll #1740559 Heroes Poll: Round 13
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

Vote for Who-ever you like least.

View Answers
Sherlock Holmes
1 (12.5%)
Atticus Finch
1 (12.5%)
The Doctor
0 (0.0%)
Carl Fredricksen
3 (37.5%)
Crowley & Aziraphale
3 (37.5%)
Severus Snape
0 (0.0%)

My hero today?  Motherfucking ME, you all.  Why?  Because I made it all the way through the year.  Again.

But, also, the Canucks.  Because they knocked out the Nashville Predators and - here's where it gets awesome - the horrid state that city belongs to is trying to ban talking about homosexuality in schools.  So, suck it, homophobes!  (PS: what the hell, Tennessee (or whatever), do you think it's like the name Betelgeuse, as Jon Stewart suggested?  Say it too much and it makes it ~true~?).  At any rate, the Canucks are on their way to the third round for THE FIRST TIME IN SEVENTEEN YEARS :D  That's right, team, strut.

Heroes
Thanks for helping with the tie, everyone :)  You've decided on Roy Batty getting the boot.  This guy was tough, edging his way into my list and all :D  He really is a cool character, certainly my sole reason for repeatedly watching Blade Runner, and he will be missed :(

This is getting exciting!  I have a lot of faith I'll be surprised by our finalists, especially as I expected Batman to go pretty far...



Poll #1739726 Heroes Poll: Round Twelve
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 10

Who is your least favourite hero?

View Answers
Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes)
1 (10.0%)
Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)
1 (10.0%)
The Doctor (Doctor Who)
0 (0.0%)
Carl Fredricksen (Up)
1 (10.0%)
Charlotte (Charlotte's Web)
3 (30.0%)
Crowley & Aziraphale (Good Omens)
1 (10.0%)
Rincewind (the Discworld)
3 (30.0%)
Severus Snape (Harry Potter)
0 (0.0%)

And today's hero is this video.  Just this video.

(Potential spoilers for "The Curse of the Black Spot" DW 6x03)


your argument is invalid, Stephen Fry has a ROUS on his head
You guyyyyyyys, there's a three-way tie and I am a lazy ass.  So, pick whichever of these three you like least.

Poll #1739375 Tie breaker
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 7

Vote for your LEAST favourite hero

View Answers
Roy Batty (Blade Runner)
3 (42.9%)
Charlotte ('s Web)
2 (28.6%)
Rincewind (from the awesome Discworld of the amazing Terry Pratchett)
2 (28.6%)
Thanks all.
Heroes
Very first, who-in-the-what-now, Fringe?  Was this the last season?  If so, yay, I loved the ending, though it wasn't quite as satisfactory as I would have liked.  You see this, Supernatural?  End your show before it sucks.

At any rate, Heroes Poll.  You voted out - by the closest thing to a landslide my 8-or-so voters can give me - Andrew Beckett.  This dude has never failed to make me cry, his struggle against prejudice and just plain wrong-doing is friggin' beautiful and I can only hope I'd be this strong were I ever to face such persecution.  I'm sorry you're gone, sir.  Bruce, play him out.

We're down to our top nine, now!  The two character description posts are here and here. I feel like I should do something for the characters left, but I'm lazy. Below is a table with pictures, so that each person who gets knocked out from here on gets added humiliation.


(All pictures stolen maliciously from Google Images.  Searching for Crowley and Aziraphale made me both excited for the miniseries that will be happening and caused me to despair of society.  People are weird.  A fact that was made all the more clear by searching Snape.  I recommend not doing that.)

Poll #1738938 Heroes Poll: Round 11
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

Who is your LEAST favourite hero?

View Answers
Sherlock Holmes (he's public domain, so everywhere)
1 (12.5%)
Roy Batty (Blade Runner)
2 (25.0%)
Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)
0 (0.0%)
The Doctor (Doctor Who)
0 (0.0%)
Carl Fredricksen (Up)
1 (12.5%)
Charlotte (Charlotte's Web)
2 (25.0%)
Crowley & Aziraphale (Good Omens)
0 (0.0%)
Rincewind (the Discworld)
2 (25.0%)
Severus Snape (Harry Potter)
0 (0.0%)

Have I honourably-mentioned Yossarian yet?  He's from Catch-22, my tied-for-first favourite book in the universe.  Pretty much the only guy you can relate to in a story full of crazies and opportunists, Yossarian is an American pilot who develops from the guy hiding in the hospital to a true hero as he is progressively ruined by what he sees in the war.  And, often worse, what he sees on his own base.  There's a hilarious movie based on the book, which doesn't compare to the book, but is well worth the watch.  I'm going to share a scene that doesn't really show much of the movie - as I'd be loathe to spoil the experience - but it gives you a bit of a glance at the poignant use of ridiculousness in the book.


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